Cringe Attacks and AuDHD: Why They Happen and How to Cope

What Is a Cringe Attack?

A cringe attack is when a memory — often embarrassing, awkward, or painful — suddenly surfaces without warning. It usually comes with a wave of intense emotion: shame, regret, sadness, even anger at yourself. It can feel like you’re reliving the experience in full colour, even if it happened years ago.

In psychology, this would be called an intrusive memory or spontaneous recall, but "cringe attack" perfectly captures the emotional gut-punch that often comes with it.

Why Are Cringe Attacks So Common with AuDHD?

Several factors make cringe attacks a frequent (and exhausting) experience for people with AuDHD:

• Social differences: Autistic people often process social interactions differently. Missing or misreading social cues, or being misunderstood, can leave lingering feelings of confusion or shame — even when you did nothing wrong.

• Rejection Sensitivity: Many people with ADHD experience Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), where even small perceived failures or rejections feel devastating. Past moments where you felt rejected can replay over and over.

• Hyperfocus on Mistakes: ADHD can make it hard to regulate where your attention goes. Meanwhile, autistic brains often seek to "analyze" past experiences to learn from them. This can result in a hyperfocus on things that went wrong, even when they were minor.

• Emotional Memory: Many neurodivergent people experience emotions very deeply, and memories are often emotionally charged, making them more vivid and sticky.

  
  

In short: your brain isn’t trying to torture you. It’s trying — clumsily — to protect you by revisiting situations where it thinks you might need to “do better” next time.

The problem is, it doesn't realize that replaying those memories doesn't actually help — it just makes you feel worse.

How to Handle Cringe Attacks When They Happen

Here are a few gentle strategies that can help when you're in the middle of a cringe spiral:

1. Name It Without Shame

When the memory hits, try saying to yourself, "This is just a cringe attack. It’s uncomfortable, but it will pass." Naming it takes away some of its power.

2. Ground Yourself in the Present

Simple grounding techniques, like pressing your feet firmly into the floor, noticing five things you can see, or feeling the texture of an object in your hand, can help bring you back to the now.

3. Self-Compassion Talk

Remind yourself: "I was doing the best I could with the information and skills I had at the time." Mistakes, misunderstandings, and awkward moments are part of being human — not a personal failure.

4. Use Humour, If You Can

Sometimes it helps to imagine you're telling the story to a kind friend who would laugh with you, not at you. Over time, cringe memories can lose their sting and even become funny.

5. Reset Your Brain

Do something sensory: splash cold water on your face, chew minty gum, or listen to upbeat music. This helps “close the loop” on the memory and gives your brain something new to focus on.

You Are Not Your Past Moments

Living with AuDHD means living with a brain that experiences the world deeply, sometimes differently — and that's a strength. Those cringey memories don’t define you. They are simply evidence that you were trying, you were present, you were learning. You still are.

And every time you meet a cringe attack with compassion rather than self-punishment, you build resilience. You teach your brain that it's safe to let go.

If you find yourself stuck in a loop of intrusive cringe memories that are affecting your daily life, it might be time to seek specialist support. A therapist, counsellor, or coach who understands neurodivergence can help you develop strategies to manage these thoughts with greater self-compassion. You don’t have to face it alone — the right support can make it easier to break free from the past and feel more at peace in the present.

If you would like to work more on some of the methods mentioned above, you can subscribe to my monthly app (£35 per month, with no long term commitments), where you can access worksheets on grounding and self-compassion.